Updating the Madness

I haven't posted in a while, so I thought a quick little update would be appreciated. Everything's fine, with work, with home, with my relationship. Well... ok, not so fine...

At work, I'm not getting enough in tips. They usually only give me a 4-table section, and cut me first, after just a couple of hours. So, while I am averaging about 15% in tips, it's low because my guest count is low. I'm getting pissed off. I want a 6-table section, and I want to stay longer, be 2nd or 3rd cut... or even 4th or closer. I need the money, I have bills to pay, mortgage to catch up, and of course, Christmas is coming up, and I have a cartload of presents to buy... 2 kids, 2 nephews, my mom, 2 brothers, 2 sisters, my son's family, my daughter's family, my boyfriend, and his family, friends, a Christmas party at work, my daughter wants to go to the Nutcracker, etc., etc., etc... The list goes on and on... How am I supposed to afford even a fraction of that entire list if I'm only making $20 a shift? So, ok, work isn't fine... it sucks. I've been contemplating looking for a better job on my days off. You know, a job where I can give myself a manicure, and it'll last longer than 24 hours. :(

And home, well, it is home. My mom and I should NOT live together. I want to get my own place and move out, but I'm wracked with guilt, because a) she's blind, and b) I want to help catch up the bills. Of course, since I'm making so little at work, I've caught everything up except the mortgage, and if I continue to make so little, I'll never get the mortgage caught up, and we'll lose the house. That sucks. Of course, I think mom would sell before it actually foreclosed... But it would still suck to lose the house. And I still want my own place. No, I NEED my own place. I need to prove to everyone, especially myself, that I CAN be an independent woman, and that I can take care of myself and my kids without my family's help. Yes, I'll have State assistance, but that's to be expected with a single mom these days. My daughter's back in school (and loving it!), I'll put my son in daycare (I think he'd like that, actually), I'll live in the State funded housing, I'll have food stamps and Medicare, and I'll work my butt off. I can do this... I've done it before, twice. When my daughter was 2-3, I lived on my own for a year and a half, and again, when she was 6-7, I made it on my own for over a year. I know I can do this, and this time, with a real job, no roommate, and a stubborn fierceness that's growing day by day. I CAN do this, I WILL do this, and I'll prove EVERYONE wrong.

My relationship is going fine, it really is. We see each other a lot, and spend the night when we can. He's open-minded enough to at least try things I like (he's going to read Persuasion by Jane Austen... I love that book), and I try the things he likes as well. Some of them I like (like NIN) and some of them are OK (like sushi), and some them I don't like (like... well, I can't think of anything he's had me try yet that I don't like... cool...) (Ok, I just thought of one... the green tea at the sushi restaurant was bland and disgusting... sorry hun, but I didn't like it at all...). Ok, moving on... We have the occasional disagreement or misunderstanding, but we communicate, we talk it out, and we resolve the issue. He tells me when I'm being ridiculous, and I tell him when he's being a jerk, and we simply correct our behavior instead of getting offended (well, I sometimes get a little hurt, he can be blunt, but I still correct my behavior, and he cheers me right up). He's great with my kids, and they seem to like him too. For example, Thursday evening (at my mom's suggestion, of course), my boyfriend pinned me down and he and my daughter tickled me for about half an hour! I was laughing so hard my sides hurt! It was fun.

My boyfriend and I are doing very well, and for those of you who haven't heard, for my birthday (Nov. 25), he gave me a bright red bathrobe and matching slippers. He says red looks nice on me. The bathrobe and slippers, however, have significance; I can't bring them home... they stay at his house, hanging on a hook on the back of his bedroom door, right next to his bathrobe. :) I love it! It’s the perfect gift... significant without being committal... nice. He also gave me a 60-day WoW card, so we can play WoW together... yeah! He's such a great boyfriend... intelligent, funny, affectionate, socially adept, considerate, intuitive... I can go on and on... I'm really happy with him, and I like him a lot.

So, all in all, my crazy world is going on as it always does, and I'm struggling forward, one step at a time, trying to get to a peaceful, secure place in my life. I'll get there one day; even if that day is the day I die... I will get there. And I'll enjoy every moment along the way. :)