Nobody Likes a Quitter!

A couple of weeks ago, my boyfriend informs me that his parents are quitting smoking on Monday, October 27, and he plans to quit with them. So I volunteered to quit with him. Silly girl, quitting is for rabbits... Hahaha. Anyway, I made it through Monday just fine, though I was a little cranky. I cracked yesterday... I had a "social cigarette" with my brother and our neighbor. Then I had another one before bed with just my brother. Today, I've had 3 already, all with my brother and sis-in-law, who both (obviously) smoke. Man, it's HARD to quit when the people around you still smoke. And cold turkey... what was I thinking!?!?!? I had been up to about a pack a day, and I tried to go cold turkey? Effing crazy, I tell you! I want to quit for my kids, I don't want them to have that example as they grow up. I also want to quit for my health, and to save money, and to support my boyfriend and his parents, etc., etc. But, as my sis-in-law says, until I am ready to quit for myself, because I am ready to quit, I won't be successful. I'm going to keep trying, but I think I'm going to have to be just a social smoker for a couple of weeks before I completely quit 100%.

I should never have started. It started just as smoking while drinking at the bar, back in March 2006. Sometimes, if I got really stressed out, I'd have one to calm down, or if I couldn't sleep. But seriously, 1 pack lasted me about 6 months! IAround October/November 2006, I began smoking more and more, as that was a very stressful time in my life. Then I started a job where something like 90% of the employees smoke, so I smoked with my co-workers. Then my sis-in-law started smoking again, and I met my second husband, who smoked, and I caved to the peer-pressure and smoked with all the smokers in my life. When I got pregnant (May 2007 to January 2008), I cut way back, but I never really quit. I had 1 pack last me for pretty much all of the last 5 months of my pregnancy. Just 2 short months after my son's birth, I started back up again, which I think is a huge factor in my inability to breastfeed this time around. As I told my mom a few months ago, "I know smoking is wrong, but I am wallowing in my sin, and I'm not ready to quit yet." As long as I'm enjoying it too much, I'm not going to be able to quit.

But I'm going to cut way back, and at least give it a good ol' college try. That's the least I can do for all the reasons and people involved. Maybe I'll actually quit; maybe not. But I can try. Of course, as Yoda says, "Do or do not; there is no try."