Friday, October 31, 2008

Why's Everybody Always Picking On Me?

I swear to all that is holy, if one more person picks on me today, I'm gonna scream! Pick, pick, pick, everybody, all day, so far.

Do I sound a little whiney? I feel like it. Well, too bad for you, the reader, because that's what my blogs are for... my rants and raves about my life. This is a rant.

I am getting really tired of people around me questioning my decision to let my kids spend the weekend with my son's granny. She loves him, and she loves my daughter too. She has been begging me for months to let them spend the night or the weekend with her. Yes, I finally gave in because I have a new boyfriend, but not because he is more important than my children. On the contrary.

It works this way... let me see if I can explain it. When I had no boyfriend, letting my kids go for a night or a weekend would have been depressing. I would have sat around my house, missing my kids and worrying about them the whole time. Having a boyfriend distracts me from my worries, gives me something else to focus on. Of course, I don't want to trivialize my relationship, because I like him very much; he is NOT a mere distraction. But spending a little alone time with him on the weekends does distract me from missing and worrying about my kids.

Also, I like and trust my in-laws more and more as I get to know them. I really started to feel comfortable with them at a family reunion they had in September (I think that's when it was... it wasn't too long ago). I met all my ex's brothers, as well as their wives and children. I liked them... most of them are not as trashy as my ex, and not as crass and abrupt as his mom. Most of them seem like fairly normal people, working hard to do their best for their families. I watched them interact with my children, and they all adore them. I actually felt a real sense of family that day, and finally (after 2 years together) felt a sense of belonging to his family. Sad, then, that we're getting divorced, huh? Tough. He made that bed, now he has to lie in it. I'm not going to change my mind just because I like his family.

Another point I want to make is this: what else am I supposed to do? I'm a single mom... I want, even need, a social/personal life, but to protect my kids, that life needs to be fairly separate from them. They don't need to meet with every guy I date, and they certainly don't need to bond with them. They have met my current boyfriend, but I want to keep it light and friendly for now. I don't want them getting attached yet. What if it doesn't work out? Hope for the best, plan for the worst. While I hope everything keeps going well, I have to plan for the worst to protect my kids.

So to keep my kids out of it, I need someone to watch my kids while I date. If I didn't have family close by, I'd hire a babysitter, like a normal single mom, like the ones you see on TV or in movies. But I have plenty of family close by. However, my family is unable or unwilling to watch my kids. So I have turned to my son's family. They WANT to see my kids; they have BEGGED me time and time again to see them, to have them for a night or a weekend.

The situation is win/win for them and me. And my children learn that they have LOTS of family that love them. My daughter already has her dad's whole family, and now she has her stepdad's - it's just more people who love her, more people to love. When I went through my divorce with her dad, it took me a while to accept the whole "blended family" idea. But once I wrapped my mind around it, and pushed aside my hurt and angry feelings, I realized that my daughter's stepmom is right. My daughter has grown up with two families, twice the love, twice the number of people that care about her. What an awesome thing for her! Now she has a third family, her brother's family, who all love her and consider her a part of the family. I love and appreciate how they have all welcomed her with open arms. I have come to believe that "family" is not about blood, but about love. My daughter has had lots of love and lots of family while growing up, and will continue to do so. I know that my son will grow up the same, lots of love and lots of family. I'm glad.

Dangit, I still don't feel better. Probably because I have another issue weighing down on me, but I don't want to blog about it. It's more private. There is more chance of ridicule, rejection, and "I told you so". There is more chance of miscommunication, injured feelings, and all around bad things. So I'll keep it to myself, and air it with the other party involved in person when I get the chance.

So, my mom just walked through the house... nag, nag, nag... can she go for 5 seconds without nagging me about something? Would it kill her? Really? I deperately need my own place before I commit matricide. Infernal woman! Stewie Griffin has the right idea. Blast her to smithereens! Hahaha!

I'm going to go scream and smoke. I'm done here... for now.

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