Valentine's Day Sucks!

Yes, people, I said it! Valentine's Day is officially the worst holiday EVER. Especially when you are sitting home alone when you expected to be with the one you love. Chain-smoking, crying, eating ice cream, and watching chick flicks is a lame way to spend Valentine's Day.

I'm at a loss for words, suddenly. I'd love to pour out all my feelings right here, but I am fearful of who may read it. And I'm such a jumble of conflicting feelings anyway, I wouldn't know where to start.

One thing I do know is that I hate this holiday. I think it should be banned.

I also know that I'll be fine. I did a little relationship math earlier in my head. My first husband and I were together for 4 years, and I was with the guy after him (a rebound) for about a year, so 5 years, right? Then, from Oct 2001 (when the rebound guy left me) to Mar 2006 is about 4 1/2 years. Mar 2006 was when I was finally where I wanted to be. I had a great job, an apartment of my own, I paid all the bills and supported myself and my daughter without help, and I was content and happy. Life was great. So it took me approximately the same amount of time to rebuild myself as I'd been in the relationships I was rebuilding from.

Right now I have 3 relationships in a row to rebuild from - what's-his-face, Sept 2006; my second husband, Dec 2006; and my most recent ex, Oct 2008. So, Sept 2006 to Feb 2009 is what, 2 1/2 years? Yeah. So it'll take me about 2-2 1/2 years to rebuild myself back into a strong, independent, responsible, happy woman. So sometime in Spring 2011, I'll be myself again. That's not too far away. I can do it.

Baby steps. I'm getting my own apartment, and putting my son in daycare. Then I'm going to start looking for a better job, which will probably lead to a better apartment. Eventually, I want to pay off my car and buy a house. I can see myself achieveing those goals by Spring 2011, right? Yeah, I can do that.

Like I said, baby steps. I'll be fine.

And when the time is right, the right guy will come along, and things will work out like they should.

But I'll still hate Valentine's Day for the rest of my life. Stupid day.