Girls vs. Boys, and an update.

Men do NOT understand women. Women try to understand men, but usually fail. I firmly believe we are two different species.

I had another sad day yesterday. My guy friend (if you can call him that) basically blew me off, insulted me, and just made everything worse. My girl friends held me as I cried, talked me through it, and tried to convince me to go lesbian (because girls understand girls, and wouldn't treat me the way boys do, because they KNOW, etc.). :) They told me I deserve better than I've had, and after reflection, I agree.

I've had several friends tell me I need to be more selective about whom I date. My girl friends insist that they are going to start screening all my dates, and they'll only let me date the guys (or girls) that will actually treat me well, that might come close to deserving me. They really made me feel much better.

This last week has been hard. I have a lesbian friend who has a new girlfriend, and they are so happy and cute together, which reminds me of how alone and sad I really am. When I'm not around them, I can lie to myself and say I'm just fine.

I feel so isolated and detatched, as I said in my last blog. I feel like the people I connect with the most live so far away. The people here and close are friends, yes, but none so very close as the out-of-town ones. The two friends last night are the two I'm closest to in town, but I still feel detatched from them some of the time, unwanted or uncared for. I know they don't mean to make me feel that way, but they have their own lives, and other people that they are closer to and who are more important to them than me. I'm not the kind of person that wants to be the center of attention all the time, or must have everyone love me the most. However, I think everyone should be #1 to SOMEONE. I feel like I am #1 to no one (my kids, yes, but I'm talking about adult relationships and friendships here).

My sister-in-law told me that I am free. I can do what I like, when I like. I can reinvent myself, rebuild myself into whomever I want to be, the real-and-true me, if I wish, or a different or better version of me. She's right, of course. However, I've been there, done that... and it still got me nothing but heartbreak. Now I have to do it all over again, and I am tired.

Something I read recently told me that I have the power in a relationship. I get to choose whom I date, and men should have to impress me and prove to me that they are worthy of me. If I can keep that in mind, maybe I can actually find a good man (or woman) to spend my life with, or at least a really good friend that's there for me like I'm there for them.

On other fronts in my life, work sucks. I work as a waitress, and once they cut us off the floor (ie, we stop taking tables) we have a ton of "cut work" to do. They expect us to get all this work done in one hour. We either clock out after an hour and finish our work off the clock (which is illegal), or they go in and adjust our time after we clock out (also illegal). Either way, I'm doing work I'm not getting paid for. Granted, it's not much per hour, but it's money I've earned. I need a new job, then I plan to report all my adjusted hours to the corporate office, or the Better Business Bureau, or someone, anyone, who will pay attention, and can actually do something about it. So the job hunt is on again... yeah!

Yesterday, I got out of work, curtesy of my clumsy baby boy. He tripped over his own feet at daycare, and smacked his face good and hard on the floor (a thin utility carpet over a cement floor). He had a big purple bump on his forhead, his nose was swollen and purple, and his nose bled, for a while. My sister-in-law and I took him to the ER, and waited for over two hours! Since he was showing no signs of having a concussion, they offered to do a CAT scan for peace-of-mind (we turned it down), and sent us home. However, I'm pretty sure his nose is broken (again... he just broke it 4 1/2 months ago). So my baby boy, who is not yet 15 months old, has broken his nose twice already. Nice. Poor baby boy!

My new apartment is doing OK. I need to spend one more day moving the last of my things and furniture from my mom's house to my apartment, then spend several days unpacking, organizing, and sifting through everything. On top of that, I haven't even started on my storage unit. I am determined to declutter, have a place for everything, and keep everything in its place. I intend to have a decorative and tasteful apartment, but to also let my personality shine through. I can't wait to have it all done, to have my apartment feel like a home. Yeah!

Lastly, it's snowing here! Yes, on one of the last days of March, a week into Spring, Bartlesville, Oklahoma is getting tons (!) of snow, and it's sticking! On my mom's front stoop, we measured it at 3-4 inches, but I don't know how accurate that is. My poor little car (which is actually front-wheel drive... who knew?) can't handle all of this snow, so my kids and I will most likely be spending the night here at my mom's. Fun. On the plus side, I'm off work tomorrow, so I don't have to go anywhere (and get out in this muck) until Monday morning. Good. Hopefully, it will all melt away before then. :)

Alright, I have a poopy diaper to go change. Later.